Vacation is Over (or What Me Worry?)
This summer I took the longest vacation of my adult career. Ten days in Orlando traipsing around a resort and walking miles and miles at Disney World. I took another day off upon return just to sleep (not really, but I should have). While it did wear me out, we had a great time and it was refreshing to (mostly) unplug for almost two weeks. I’d certainly do it all over again…without the Disney part. But that’s another post.
I also took a vacation from blogging. But since I’m not a prolific blogger, you probably didn’t notice.
One of the things I realized during our ‘holiday’ was that I am a worrier. Not in the traditional sense of ‘worry’ which, according to Merriam-Webster is:
to think about problems or fears : to feel or show fear and concern because you think that something bad has happened or could happen
I’ve actually taken pride for some time in the fact that I don’t think about problems or fears. I don’t lose sleep over things I can’t control. I don’t get caught up fretting over what was or what isn’t yet. I don’t ‘worry’.
But I do ‘worry at’ things, in the British sense, which means:
to try to solve (a problem) by thinking about it for a long time
I think through things a lot. I reflect and ruminate, rewind and replay. I’m ‘always on’ about something, which makes it difficult for me to fully unplug and let my mind rest. Its not a concern about a past or unforeseen outcome (worry), but rather a constant attempt to understand, solve, control, or make better. You may think I’m splitting hairs, but I don’t believe that I am. I think there is a significant difference in the two. Nevertheless, in a sense, I am a worrier.
An interesting revelation for me. I’m still processing it.
I also realized there are three things I ‘worry at’ most often. I found this out as I attempted to completely let go of these things for 11 days. In no particular order, they are:
The first two are very similar for me. This was the first vacation I didn’t strictly budget our finances and our time. And I found myself struggling not to think about them. Again, it wasn’t an outcome-based thing, but a solution-based thing. Deep down inside I harbor this belief that there is a better way to allocate finances and allot time. One can always be more efficient, more frugal, find a better deal, or find a shorter route. Trying NOT to think about those things was a challenge.
The last one, nutrition, is a more recent addition, I think. At the time of this posting, I sit one month away from my 40th birthday. This milestone has caused me to consider my long-term health more carefully. I ‘worry at’ the best way to consume my calories, when to take them in, and how to be burn them up. Not ‘worried about’ my health, but ‘worrying at’ solving some complex dietary puzzle.
Well, there you go, a likely unwanted dive into the mind of Tim. But I thought I would share this interesting self-revelation. What have you learned about yourself recently? What kind of ‘worrier’ are you?